october something

I’m sad
right now. I know
why.

What if
I’m not cut out for it all? Why
am I here? What
am I doing? Why
am I doing? When

I tried
to look up
at the stars,
and the moon,
when I sat up
and pulled back

the curtain, I didn’t
see anything but
the roof, lit by
our porch, the sky washed out
behind it;

stars were gone.
moon was gone
i’m gone
kato’s snoring

I just want
to be better.
Why don’t I care,
and why can’t I feel?

I thought
about dying. It scares
me. I don’t know

how to be better.

It’s the 24th. 01:11.

 

11:29pm. February 20, 2018.

I’m doing better.

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